[Immediately after this. The video stares at a ceiling for a moment before Ringer pulls the glasses off to adjust them. She's fuzzy on her meds, disoriented, and the video catches a glimpse of her bloody uniform in a bundle on the floor before switching to audio.]
Why are you killing people? You can't do that. [Her tone is bordering on pleading, far more expressive than usual - noticeably more excited than a normal person's, even.]
[ It's not quite as immediate, his reply. He's been out on night shifts as well, actually, throughout all of this - everyone in his division with nightvision has been, spread out to give as many teams as possible at least one of them. So there's been catching up on reports and like. A shower. It's food right now, before a nap in his office, and she switched to audio anyway so for a few reasons it'll stay that way for now.
There's obviously some extenuating circumstances - he apparently has more reports to look through, he hadn't known she was one of the ones injured last night, but the medical report isn't difficult to locate. Victor's also forwarded him their conversation as well. ]
It wasn't a decision made lightly. The Compliance teams haven't been offering us any alternatives.
Not me personally. [ Well. ] That I've noticed. Yet. [ Because let's be real. There's a list and he's on it. ]
It involves memory tampering, at the very least. [ At most, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It involves memory tampering, so who knows. ] Necessary for a corrupt organisation to maintain their popularity. This early into both fronts of our separation it could be particularly detrimental, divided obviously from the sheer violation of it as a whole.
An accepted risk, but not one we aren't understandably likely to accept without strong resistance.
Shit. [The word slips out before she can even think about it. Ringer's not normally one for profanity, but some things merit it. Like memory tampering. There's a pause and, when she speaks again, she sounds absolutely terrified.]
[ He hears that first word, knows she didn't mean for him to, but waits for her to get herself together and formulate a reply back. It's a lot to take in, very quickly. So he finishes off his food and sets it a little off to the side, takes a swig of his beer and listens when she finally says she doesn't think she can go this.
He switches to video. He looks tired, his hair is drying, but his eyes are clear. No fear or worry in his face. ]
Yes you can, Specialist. I know you can. I've seen you do it. You've seen me do it.
[ He looks like he's trying to actually look into your eyes okay, with his eyes being that bright, glassy blue. But now he looks convinced. Assured. Major Alpha, General de la Fére, whatever the hell his name is, he knows you can do it. ] Give it a shot. Just rest. I'll check on you early this evening, okay?
[She frowns, realizes he can't see it, and creases her brows instead.]
We both know you promoted me for the housing. Thanks, but don't call me that.
Then she's shaking her head, not that he can see.] This is different. You know it is. Maybe I can. Maybe I don't want to. I can't risk forgetting him. Or Teacup. I won't.
I didn't think there was anything worse. Four-year-old IEDs, reading your memories like a book to use against you, ensuring that you can't trust anyone- including yourself, exploiting every weakness. [A beat.] Forgetting is worse. Me forgetting them. You forgetting me. It's not an unbearable truth I have to accept. I can choose to walk away. I want to-
[She cuts off, coughing from getting herself worked up. After she settles, she doesn't bother saying any more. There's no need.]
[ wow you actually made him want to roll his eyes. he's sleep deprived, trying to relax here before a name and you're telling him why he did something. he doesn't, not that she would know, but even so. ]
And. For all the reasons stated prior.
Memories related to Bifrons. Unless you were a firebrand apparently like Loki was, they don't alter your personality or memories prior to coming here - [ that.... he knows of. at least, he's never heard of it and doesn't see any reason why they would. ] - and you're not going to be high up on their radar at all.
[ He considers this next notion very carefully, because they've already been sort of blurring the line between friends and CO and he's not sure how well that's going to work, even though he does want to get to know all of those under his command. It's how you learn their skills and weaknesses and create a cohesive bunch of soldiers. He thinks about McKenna, if he'd make this offer.
But the fact that he had to think about it at all to begin with.... Well. He'll see how she responds to that bit first. ]
You play chess. Everything here is related to Bifrons.
[Those thoughts are connected in her mind, even if not well articulated here. Ringer remains a bit panicky and scared. She almost died last night. It's not the first time, but it's the first time she's been alone to bleed out. If not for FDR.. She can't risk dying in this place before she gets back. That working with them also makes her a target for memory tampering? It's too much risk.
Of course, the cotton feeling of her brain, the feeling that her thoughts are swimming through sludge just to get anywhere, and the pain that's still coursing through her body even on the drugs- She knows she's not entirely coherent right now, but she can't stand the idea of forgetting someone. Which is only slightly better than them forgetting her.]
I'm sorry. I know this isn't a good time. We can discuss my resignation when I'm released from medical leave, assuming you aren't taken before then.
[ He's... Slightly confused and not quite displeased with her answer, and he puts both mostly down to her drugs and his exhaustion. Discussing this later is likely a good idea. He's not sure about resignation just yet, but. ]
I'll come by this evening if I have time before the evening shift starts. Otherwise after this all wraps up. [ Since it's feeling now that it's coming to a close here shortly. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
day 178, morning | video
Why are you killing people? You can't do that. [Her tone is bordering on pleading, far more expressive than usual - noticeably more excited than a normal person's, even.]
day 178, morning still | audio | encrypted.
There's obviously some extenuating circumstances - he apparently has more reports to look through, he hadn't known she was one of the ones injured last night, but the medical report isn't difficult to locate. Victor's also forwarded him their conversation as well. ]
It wasn't a decision made lightly. The Compliance teams haven't been offering us any alternatives.
day 178, morning | audio | encrypted.
Did they try to take you? [A pause.] What does Compliance do? Why is it necessary?
day 178, morning | audio | encrypted.
It involves memory tampering, at the very least. [ At most, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It involves memory tampering, so who knows. ] Necessary for a corrupt organisation to maintain their popularity. This early into both fronts of our separation it could be particularly detrimental, divided obviously from the sheer violation of it as a whole.
An accepted risk, but not one we aren't understandably likely to accept without strong resistance.
day 178, morning | audio | encrypted.
I don't know if I can do this, Alpha.
day 178, morning | video | encrypted.
He switches to video. He looks tired, his hair is drying, but his eyes are clear. No fear or worry in his face. ]
Yes you can, Specialist. I know you can. I've seen you do it. You've seen me do it.
[ He looks like he's trying to actually look into your eyes okay, with his eyes being that bright, glassy blue. But now he looks convinced. Assured. Major Alpha, General de la Fére, whatever the hell his name is, he knows you can do it. ] Give it a shot. Just rest. I'll check on you early this evening, okay?
day 178, morning | audio | encrypted.
We both know you promoted me for the housing. Thanks, but don't call me that.
Then she's shaking her head, not that he can see.] This is different. You know it is. Maybe I can. Maybe I don't want to. I can't risk forgetting him. Or Teacup. I won't.
I didn't think there was anything worse. Four-year-old IEDs, reading your memories like a book to use against you, ensuring that you can't trust anyone- including yourself, exploiting every weakness. [A beat.] Forgetting is worse. Me forgetting them. You forgetting me. It's not an unbearable truth I have to accept. I can choose to walk away. I want to-
[She cuts off, coughing from getting herself worked up. After she settles, she doesn't bother saying any more. There's no need.]
day 178, morning | video | encrypted.
And. For all the reasons stated prior.
Memories related to Bifrons. Unless you were a firebrand apparently like Loki was, they don't alter your personality or memories prior to coming here - [ that.... he knows of. at least, he's never heard of it and doesn't see any reason why they would. ] - and you're not going to be high up on their radar at all.
[ He considers this next notion very carefully, because they've already been sort of blurring the line between friends and CO and he's not sure how well that's going to work, even though he does want to get to know all of those under his command. It's how you learn their skills and weaknesses and create a cohesive bunch of soldiers. He thinks about McKenna, if he'd make this offer.
But the fact that he had to think about it at all to begin with.... Well. He'll see how she responds to that bit first. ]
day 178, morning | audio | encrypted.
[Those thoughts are connected in her mind, even if not well articulated here. Ringer remains a bit panicky and scared. She almost died last night. It's not the first time, but it's the first time she's been alone to bleed out. If not for FDR.. She can't risk dying in this place before she gets back. That working with them also makes her a target for memory tampering? It's too much risk.
Of course, the cotton feeling of her brain, the feeling that her thoughts are swimming through sludge just to get anywhere, and the pain that's still coursing through her body even on the drugs- She knows she's not entirely coherent right now, but she can't stand the idea of forgetting someone. Which is only slightly better than them forgetting her.]
I'm sorry. I know this isn't a good time. We can discuss my resignation when I'm released from medical leave, assuming you aren't taken before then.
day 178, morning | audio | encrypted.
I'll come by this evening if I have time before the evening shift starts. Otherwise after this all wraps up. [ Since it's feeling now that it's coming to a close here shortly. ]
day 178, morning | audio | encrypted.