[ Well damn, now he just feels sort of even worse for the guy. It's one thing to have your memory tampered with, and it's nicer to have it tampered with in a manner that leaves you unaware. ....Sort of. But as far as Alpha recalls, those missing memories weren't really properly replaced. Just missing.
That's wildly different. And he agrees with her, but he can't just tell her everything she wants to know. He has to answer particulars, basically, and even then not everything. Volunteering information is a bad idea. ]
He didn't volunteer. [ There's a slight pause. ] I am sorry about your friend. And that I can't be of more use as a whole.
Pfft. You're useful. You're trying and there's a conscience. Do you know why you are where you are, Alpha? Because you follow orders, but you give a fuck. If you didn't give a fuck, you'd be higher up the chain.
Probably not a comforting thought, but there you have it. The wisdom of a woman far older than you, hm?
Anyway you've listened long enough, and you answered my request. You don't have to keep talking to me.
[ He's not entirely sure whether to feel complimented or disconcerted by that, so he goes for an even mixture between the two. It's healthier, in the long run. That by no means indicates that he knows how to respond to it either way, and he instead allows it to be a comment due to whatever manner of mind-altering state she's in. Historically, she's not quite so talkative. ]
I don't mind talking. [ He's not the greatest conversationalist, but. ] Unless that was a veiled attempt to end the conversation, in which case I do of course have a lot of pressing business to get back to.
[ Historically she's not in such a mess, or at least not such a talkative one. Historically she pulls herself together before how much of a mess she is becomes clear.
Historically she implodes, really. It's nice to not be imploding. It's nice to talk to Alpha. It's weird that it's nice. She doesn't know this man and he knows entirely too much about her. ]
Oh, no. At least, I don't think so. I don't mind talking either, it's pleasantly distracting from other realities at the moment. Not that I know what to talk about. I'm much better at pretending to be normal than remembering how.
[ It's okay, he gets drunk off his face more often than is probably appropriate for his station. Somewhat less often now that he's not Beta anymore, but. It's been known to happen from time to time, except that it hasn't been known at all, because in the light of anyone knowing, it's covered up. And no one but Juliett ever seems to show up at his house anyway.
But he gets the whole 'quietly imploding' thing. Honestly. He'd consider apologising again if he were to be reminded that it's probably always weird to talk to him, but by this point he tends to assume whomever it is that has initiated contact with him accepted that as part and parcel of the idea before they started it. ] That feels understandable. I'm not particularly good at distracting small talk myself. I understand 'how's the weather' historically was useful, but here... [ Well. ] Was there a particular incident to precipitate this call? [ Is that small talk he doesn't think so but again 'bad at small talk' unless you want him to dredge up his D1 upbringing. He could probably actually small talk your ear off if you wanted, in various manners. That's 80% of chatter in polite society anyway, right? ]
[ Alpha sounds like a very lonely position, in light of all that. Clearly the poor man needs more friends.
Is he even allowed friends? Natalia would be surprised if he was. Bifrons doesn't seem like the sort of operation to understand the many uses of real friendships.
Either way, there's very little that Natalia actually knows and quite a lot that she imagines about him and his life. What she imagines isn't too far off though. ]
God, what is even safe to discuss other than the weather? Probably not much. I imagine a slew of technicians pouring over recordings of this conversation as we speak. Might as well keep them paid and bored. One very dangerous Immune calling their face of the people while high on...whatever this painkiller is. It's good though.
Ah. I fractured my arm in several places. It wasn't really a fight. No one swung any punches.
[ Well, to be fair, he did that a fair amount before he became Alpha. Not that it isn't at times, but he's certainly not helping that at all. It's a little lonelier at the absolute top, but he's had practice for that throughout his life, so don't start feeling too much on his behalf.
And yes, he can have friends. Within parameters. On the record, anyway. And speaking of: ] Yeah, probably at least the one. Anything particularly inflammatory, that'll see more. You did call me, love. That at least gives a couple minutes window. [ He thinks. Last he was aware, his calling people back at least had a lazy awareness, but who the hell knows. He's all but obliged to say shit like that. ] Painkiller? Are you okay? [ That's actually a dumb question considering but equally considering it's not bad. Hopefully it'll pan out. ]
That's not particularly informative. I suspect on purpose, but still. Curiosity rages.
Not planning on making this call any sort of party the Happiness Officer would need to be involved in. [ Hopefully by mentioning the woman's name Natalia hasn't managed to invoke her like some evil spirit living in the wires - she peers around the room like the cheerful face might pop out of the closet or through the door. Fortunately, no one comes in and she settles back with a sigh. ]
The transition has been difficult for him. My counterpart. Kilo's cooking didn't help. Either way, my arm encountered shatterproof glass and did not win the fight.
[ Nah, it'll be okay. Alpha isn't particularly interested in talking to her either. Not that certain strands and strings of conversation won't invoke her anyway, but still. That's not particularly a conversation he feels like having just now. ] Probably for the best.
[ Now that gets a sort of grunt he doesn't particularly bother with masking too much. ] Kilo's cooking didn't help anyone. You'd had it looked at, I assume? Given that you mentioned painkillers and just just alcohol. [ Which probs would have been his choice, but to each their own. ]
Mhm. Despite what Kilo believes. [ That his 'food' practically enlightens those who eat it. Must be one of those things that takes more than one dose to take hold of a mind. Something Natalia is going to be thankful for, for quite a while to come. ]
Better I go than have Juliett have to track me down and drag me out to have it looked after. Besides I'm still getting used to be able to get drunk; not quite the cure-all for me.
[ Yes, well. Kilo seems to believe whatever he feels like at the time - which is... technically how feelings work, but you get the meaning. Kilo doesn't always make sense, with his feelings and his methods of communication. Clearly.
Apologies. [ For what, he couldn't actually point to if you asked, but it feels proper to say so regardless. Some things are difficult to forget. ] If you ever need help in that particular endeavour, I'm particularly adept when the need arises. Although I would agree - it's typically better to preempt that specific sort of visit.
It's quite all right. We're both catching up on living the lives we've lost. Outside of whatever other horrors this place may bring us to face, that is not...the worst. Nor unwelcome. It's been an opportunity.
I'll take you up on that. Really. [ Why not? She'd told the other Alpha she was interested in Callsigns. It's still true. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
That's wildly different. And he agrees with her, but he can't just tell her everything she wants to know. He has to answer particulars, basically, and even then not everything. Volunteering information is a bad idea. ]
He didn't volunteer. [ There's a slight pause. ] I am sorry about your friend. And that I can't be of more use as a whole.
no subject
Probably not a comforting thought, but there you have it. The wisdom of a woman far older than you, hm?
Anyway you've listened long enough, and you answered my request. You don't have to keep talking to me.
no subject
I don't mind talking. [ He's not the greatest conversationalist, but. ] Unless that was a veiled attempt to end the conversation, in which case I do of course have a lot of pressing business to get back to.
no subject
Historically she implodes, really. It's nice to not be imploding. It's nice to talk to Alpha. It's weird that it's nice. She doesn't know this man and he knows entirely too much about her. ]
Oh, no. At least, I don't think so. I don't mind talking either, it's pleasantly distracting from other realities at the moment. Not that I know what to talk about. I'm much better at pretending to be normal than remembering how.
no subject
But he gets the whole 'quietly imploding' thing. Honestly. He'd consider apologising again if he were to be reminded that it's probably always weird to talk to him, but by this point he tends to assume whomever it is that has initiated contact with him accepted that as part and parcel of the idea before they started it. ] That feels understandable. I'm not particularly good at distracting small talk myself. I understand 'how's the weather' historically was useful, but here... [ Well. ] Was there a particular incident to precipitate this call? [ Is that small talk he doesn't think so but again 'bad at small talk' unless you want him to dredge up his D1 upbringing. He could probably actually small talk your ear off if you wanted, in various manners. That's 80% of chatter in polite society anyway, right? ]
no subject
Is he even allowed friends? Natalia would be surprised if he was. Bifrons doesn't seem like the sort of operation to understand the many uses of real friendships.
Either way, there's very little that Natalia actually knows and quite a lot that she imagines about him and his life. What she imagines isn't too far off though. ]
God, what is even safe to discuss other than the weather? Probably not much. I imagine a slew of technicians pouring over recordings of this conversation as we speak. Might as well keep them paid and bored. One very dangerous Immune calling their face of the people while high on...whatever this painkiller is. It's good though.
Ah. I fractured my arm in several places. It wasn't really a fight. No one swung any punches.
no subject
And yes, he can have friends. Within parameters. On the record, anyway. And speaking of: ] Yeah, probably at least the one. Anything particularly inflammatory, that'll see more. You did call me, love. That at least gives a couple minutes window. [ He thinks. Last he was aware, his calling people back at least had a lazy awareness, but who the hell knows. He's all but obliged to say shit like that. ] Painkiller? Are you okay? [ That's actually a dumb question considering but equally considering it's not bad. Hopefully it'll pan out. ]
That's not particularly informative. I suspect on purpose, but still. Curiosity rages.
no subject
The transition has been difficult for him. My counterpart. Kilo's cooking didn't help. Either way, my arm encountered shatterproof glass and did not win the fight.
no subject
[ Now that gets a sort of grunt he doesn't particularly bother with masking too much. ] Kilo's cooking didn't help anyone. You'd had it looked at, I assume? Given that you mentioned painkillers and just just alcohol. [ Which probs would have been his choice, but to each their own. ]
no subject
Better I go than have Juliett have to track me down and drag me out to have it looked after. Besides I'm still getting used to be able to get drunk; not quite the cure-all for me.
no subject
Apologies. [ For what, he couldn't actually point to if you asked, but it feels proper to say so regardless. Some things are difficult to forget. ] If you ever need help in that particular endeavour, I'm particularly adept when the need arises. Although I would agree - it's typically better to preempt that specific sort of visit.
no subject
I'll take you up on that. Really. [ Why not? She'd told the other Alpha she was interested in Callsigns. It's still true. ]
woooooooooooooooooops
Door's always open. To a degree. [ bc yeahhhh sometimes he is doing stuff. but. ]